Grim's Kinda Tales
by Kurama no Tenchi
Summary: Now a collection of spoofs on classic tales. Minor cross-dressing, a few evil witches, and lotsa humor!
1. CinderHiei

I just kinda wrote this for fun, so...uh...have fun! Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, or Coco Puffs.  
  
The Tale of Cinder-Hiei

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Once upon a time there was a grumpy demon named Cinder-Hiei. There wasn't any particular reason for Cinder-Hiei to be so mean and grumpy towards everyone, that's just the way he was.

He did, after all, have a loving sister who was clueless as to his existence, and an idiot future- brother-in-law.

Yep, to most people Cinder-Hiei's life was pretty great. No evil stepmothers (those had been pretty popular lately), no extra chores (even though everyone knew you had to be poor and over-worked to get in a good fairytale), and certainly no romance problems.

While some people, like his friend, Snow-Kurama, had dozens of fangirls flocking to their homes, Cinder-Hiei simply killed off everyone who dared set foot on his property.

This, incidentally, was a tiny cave twelve yards away from the home of the most beautiful princess in the land.

What a coincidence.

Riiiiight.

One day the princess made an announcement in the public square—which (what a coinc-E- dink) was in hearing distance from Cinder-Hiei's bedroom window.

"I am, like, have a ball! Like, so all you hot dudes come, like, to the castle!" She jumped up and down, squealing loudly. "Like, OH MY GAWD! We'll have, LIKE, so much fun. And it's, LIKE, tomorrow night, so have all, LIKE, your totally nice tuxedos ready by then. See ya, LIKE, later!"

In his bedroom, Cinder-Hiei glared in the direction of the castle, and rolled over. How the hell had the most powerful ruler in the land ended up with a blond airhead for a daughter?

Oh well.

Pulling up his quilt, Cinder-Hiei went back to his dreams of death, gore, pain, and suffering.

He was just getting to the good part of the dream, when he felt an unbelievably annoying_ tap-tap-tap_ on his shoulder.

"What?" Cinder-Hiei shot a death glare at the intruder.

"I'm your fairy godmother," the little guy said cheerfully. "Uh...I mean godfather. Yeah. That's what I meant. My name's Koenma."

Holding up his wand, he poked Cinder-Hiei's nose.

Cinder-Hiei went a bit cross-eyed.

_Stupid fairies...always do stupid things...they should all_ _DIE!_ He thought to himself.

"There! Much...uh...oops." The fairy shrugged sheepishly.

Hiei looked down, and saw that he was dressed in the most beautiful blue silk gown he'd ever seen. Then again, he hadn't really seen all that many beautiful blue silk gowns before...

And glass slippers. Now that was a little too over the top.

"What did you do to me?"

"Hmmm," Koenma shrugged. "Don't really know. But personality's what counts, right? So you'll be fine."

"Fine where?" Cinder-Hiei looked around for his sword. He could cut the idiotic thing off!

"At the ball, silly." Turning into a coachman, Koenma poofed himself and Cinder-Hiei to a limo that had previously been a squash in Cinder-Hiei's garden.

"Hey! I'd been planning on making stew—"

"You'll get over it." Koenma waved his wand, and made two hit men appear. "Bob? Tom? Please escort Cinder-Hiei into the limo."

And so, scrunched between two over-sized assassins, Cinder-Hiei made his way to the ball.

At the ball, after being lectured on the proper way to behave towards a lady, Cinder-Hiei was released, and free to eat appetizers and participate in small talk.

This wasn't really all that fun for poor Cinder-Hiei. He hadn't had much experience with small talk before.

But that was when the princess spotted him. "OH MY GAWD!" She looked him up and down. He was obviously a cross-dresser, in that gown. But he was a cute cross-dresser. And when they were married, they could, like, do each other's hair! "I choose you to be my husband. Or wife." Cinder-Hiei glared. "Whatever."

"No." Deciding to make his escape, Cinder-Hiei ducked under some lady's hoop skirt, and rushed out the door.

But, unfortunately for him, he had left behind one of his glass slippers...

**The next day...**

Cinder-Hiei happily got up from his bed, and found Koenma glaring at him from his nightstand.

"What did you think you were—Eeeeeeeeeeeek!"

Koenma flew through the window, and Cinder-Hiei went down to breakfast smirking.

Just as he was sitting down to some well-deserved Coco Puffs, Cinder-Hiei heard someone knocking loudly at his door.

Opening it, he found the princess standing there. "Hiya honey!"

Cinder-Hiei paled. "How did you find me?"

"Well you see, I just, like—"

Slamming the door in her face, Cinder-Hiei gathered up all his clothing.

Packing only his most prized possessions, he moved to Japan, changed his name, and took a part in an action anime.

After chopping off all the princess's hair, of course.

And he lived happily ever after.

"Wow," Cinder-Hiei shook his head. "What a bad ending."

The End


	2. SnowKurama

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Since I enjoyed writing The Tale of Cinder-Hiei so much, I've decided to do a whole bunch of little ficlets. Have fun!

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**Snow-Kurama  
**  
Once upon a time there was a beautiful boy. Now, when you think about it, that does sound a little odd, but it's true.

Snow-Kurama was the prettiest one in the land (of the boys, that is), and had the best hair (of both genders).

It is said that when he was born, his mother was eating a doughnut and stabbed herself.

With the doughnut.

Please don't ask us how, we really can't figure that one out either.

Anyway, when she saw that green apple filling, the white creamy icing, and her blood, she wished that when her child was born she would have beautiful red hair, gleaming white skin, and wise green eyes.

Well...she kind of got her wish.

Except it was a boy.

Yep, and he was named Snow-Kurama.

Now, as you can imagine, with so many fangirls out there, Snow-Kurama had a tough time doing what he wanted to do.

Which was kill people with thorns.

Once again, don't ask. This was a very odd family.

But that's not all the trouble that Snow-Kurama had to put up with, oh no. In a forgotten supply closet, deep within the castle there lived an evil witch.

An evil ugly witch.

An evil ugly witch who had serious mental problems.

His name was Kuwabara.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall," he said one day, "who is the hottest of them all?"

"Snow-Kurama," the mirror replied cheerfully.

"HOLY CRAP! MY MIRROR IS TALKING!"

"Well, you did ask me a question," the mirror sniffed disdainfully, "and I answered it truthfully."

"So Snow-Kurama really is hotter then me?" Kuwabara growled.

"Uh..." the mirror thought. No one had asked it's opinion before, it wanted to make sure all of it's answers were well thought out. "Yeah, he's pretty much the prettiest."

But by then Kuwabara had went off to plan Snow-Kurama's demise.

**The next day...**

Snow-Kurama had been visiting his fangirls. His mother had ordered it, saying that kindness was a needed virtue in leadership.

So he needed to be nice to the girls who obsessed over him.

All seven hundred of them (there were usually more, but thanks to a national war...well, Snow-Kurama had a lot less girls to entertain).

Anyway, he was visiting his fangirls when Snow-Kurama heard a knocking on the door.

Since all seven hundred of his fangirls had gone off to buy posters with his face on them, Snow-Kurama took it upon himself to go open the door.

And there was a little old lady, only... ...it was a guy.

"Hello, my dear," said the cross-dresser kindly. "Would you like to try on one of my corsets?"

Snow-Kurama sweatdropped. "Uh, not really—"

But before he could properly protest, the hag had fastened the thing around his middle. And by the time Snow-Kurama had gotten a good look at the cross-dresser's face, he passed out.

He awoke to seven hundred girls fighting over who got to give him mouth-to- mouth. One of the girls was holding onto his corset.

Snow-Kurama sighed.

Being beautiful was a curse.

**After Kuwabara had figured out that Snow-Kurama wasn't dead...**

Snow-Kurama sighed.

Someone was at the door again, and his fangirls were out writing annoying fanfics about him.

Opening the door to find that it was the same red-headed cross-dresser, Snow-Kurama took a step back.

"Oh dear," the cross-dresser laid a hand on Snow-Kurama's shoulder. This scared him more then the fact that last time this guy had tried to kill him. "I'm sooo sorry about the corset; it was—uh—defective. Yeah, that's it. Anyway, here's a comb to show how truly sorry I am."

"Look, I really appreciate the gesture, but—"

And then the guy stuck the thing in Snow-Kurama's hair.

Feeling dizzy, Snow-Kurama passed out.

Again.

And then he awoke to his fangirls, and their fighting.

Again.

Realizing something had to be done, Snow-Kurama started with the planning...

**When Kuwabara realized once again that Snow-Kurama wasn't dead...**

Snow-Kurama grinned at the sound of the knock on the door.

Opening it to find the cross-dressing-killer, Snow-Kurama smiled sweetly. "How may I help you?"

Kuwabara held up his poisoned apple. "Would you like to try—?"

"Of course!" Grabbing the apple, and slamming the door in his face, Snow- Kurama held up the apple and beamed. "OH GIRLS!" he called.

Suddenly the seven hundred fangirls were at his side.

"Yes Kurama?" they chorused.

"Would any of you ladies like an apple?"

Snow-Kurama mentally counted down in his head.

_Three, two, one..._

"ME!!!!"

So the war began.

Blond fought against brunettes fought against short fought against tall fought against beautiful fought against ugly...

And so the great war of the fangirls had started.

And ended very, very quickly.

When the last two fangirls had strangled each other to death, Snow-Kurama smiled, pocketed his apple, and went home.

On the way to his room, he made a quick stop by Kuwabara's room.

"Kuwabara?" Kuwabara, in deep conversation with his mirror, didn't even look up.

"What?"

"Would you like an apple?"  
  
The End

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It may surprise you to know that the battle of the fangirls was base on a real war.

Yep, I'm one of the sole survivers.

Any suggestions for other fairytale/YYH fics?


	3. Yusuke and the Beanstalk

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Hey everyone! Please review when you're done reading!

**

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Yusuke and the Beanstalk**  
  
Once upon a time there was a boy named Yusuke, and he was useless.

Yep, he didn't go to school, never got a job, and always made fun of his friends' school uniforms.

One day his mother sent him to the market to sell their cow, Kuwabara, for money in order to buy food.

"Moo," Kuwabara munched on his grass.

"Mom, why do I have to sell him?" Yusuke threw his arm around Kuwabara. "He's an idiot, but he's the most loyal piece of walking steak we have."

"If you like him so much," his mom snapped, "we'll have to go a week without food."

Silence.

"Okay, buddy! Let's take you to the market," Yusuke cheerfully dragged the protesting cow off.

At the market, Yusuke looked around. What kind of person wanted to buy a cow anyway?

"I'll give you five sausages," offered the butcher.

Perfect.

"MOO!" Kuwabara backed up from the cow-killer in horror.

"I dunno," Yusuke said doubtfully. "I think I should get more for a cow as fat as Kuwabara."

"Moo!" Kuwabara glared indignantly at Yusuke.

"I'll give you three magic beans," offered a girl.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm Botan, and I'll give you three magic beans for that cow."

Riiiight.

Yusuke turned to the butcher. "It looks like you have yourself—Hey, where'd he go?"

He faced Botan. "Did you make him disappear?"

Botan, who had seen the butcher walk off to purchase another much fatter cow, sweatdropped.

"Uh, sure. Bingo." She held up her beans. "You gonna buy these or not?"

That was how Yusuke came to be in possession of the magic beans.

He honestly thought they rocked.

_So cool_, he thought. _I mean, magic beans? Wait, does that mean magic f—_

"YUSUKE!" His mother was less then thrilled. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU TRADED OUR FATTEST COW FOR SOME STUPID BEANS!" Throwing them out the window, Yusuke's mom proceeded to lecture him on what was smart, and what was not.

Like what he did.

Going to bed, Yusuke did what he always did when he was caught doing something dumb.

He pouted.

"Stupid Botan. Stupid beans. Stupid magic..."

**The next day...**

"Yusuke! Yusuke! Wake up already you lazy freak!" Aroused by his mother's calls, Yusuke quickly ran to the front yard.

And there was the biggest beanstalk he had ever seen.

"Climb it," his mother ordered.

"And break my neck?" he snapped.

In the end, it was either climb the thing, or look into not eating for the next year.

So he climbed.

And climbed.

And climbed.

(You see where this is going, don't you?)

When he reached the top, he saw a castle in the clouds.

"Isn't this impossible?" Yusuke wondered. "I thought clouds were just made of water vapor."

And I thought he didn't listen in school.

Going up to the castle—which, by the way, was huge—he slipped under the door.

"Wow."

Going through all the rooms, and sampling some of the kitchen goodies, Yusuke came to the living room.

There, up on the highest shelf—"Just my luck."—was a goose. And it was laying golden eggs. Beside the goose was a beautiful singing harp, and there was a large bag of copper.

"Copper," Yusuke snorted. "I could do so much better."

But deciding it was worth his effort, he climbed up and grabbed the copper.

He was just about to grab the harp when it started up, and glared at him.

"Don't touch me," she snapped. "Or I'll call for the giant. See if I don't now."

"What's going on?" the goose honked. It looked up at Yusuke. "Hey, it's a human! Keiko, do you think he'll rescue us?"

Keiko glared at Yusuke. "I'm quite happy where I am, thank you very much."

The goose turned back to Yusuke. "I'm Genkai, and that's Keiko."

"It's nice to meet—"

"Hurry up, dimwit!" The goose bellowed. "The giant will be back at any time, so hurry it up!"

Grabbing the two, Yusuke climbed back down from the shelf.

BOOM!!!

With a thunderous sound, the front door crashed open so hard it nearly tore from it's hinges.

There was the giant.

Yusuke hid under a very tacky plaid sofa.

The giant sniffed.

"Does he have allergies?" Yusuke whispered.

"Nah, he's just gonna sniff you out and kill you," Keiko said cheerfully.

"Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman. Be he alive, or be he dead, I'll grind his bones to make my bread."

"What an idiot," Yusuke snorted. "I'm Japanese. And that first part didn't even rhyme. And I checked out his kitchen, he already has enough bread."

"But he will kill you!" Keiko gleefully said. "I told you so!"

The giant stood in the doorway. "Come out, human! I shall kill you!" He paused. "AND PUT YOU IN MY BREAD!"

"Hiei!" Keiko called. "Come kill the human!"

[AN: I honestly don't do this, but seriously. Hiei. A giant. If you don't see the irony in that, I'll cry.]

As Hiei started for them, Yusuke ducked under the giant's legs, and scrambled down the beanstalk.

Now, I don't know whether or not you know this, but scrambling down a beanstalk with your arms full of copper, harp, and goose is pretty darn hard.

Finally reaching the bottom, Yusuke shoved the stuff at his mother. "Yusuke, what's going on?"

Not bothering to answer, Yusuke went into the house and got an ax.

Just as he started to chop down the beanstalk, he realized the giant wasn't actually chasing them.

Looking up, he saw Hiei peering down over the clouds.

Then the giant pulled out a loaded bow, and fired a flaming arrow at Yusuke's house, which burnt to the ground.

Sure, Yusuke and his mom got away safely, but she locked him in a school classroom with nothing but textbooks for a week.

The moral of this story is, don't steal copper, a harp, or a goose from a huge guy with a bow loaded with a flaming arrow.

Hiei chuckled. "Stupid humans."  
  
The End

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Yeah! This is fun!


	4. Sleeping Kuwabara

My friend Tenchi suggested this ficlet. Hope you like it!

And themagnificentsupershay?

Yes, I do love you.

(Don't worry, not in a creepy way.)

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, or Grim's Tales.

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**Sleeping Kuwabara**  
  
Once upon a time there was a kingdom with a king.

Wow.

Who would've seen that coming?

Anyway, this king had a baby, Kuwabara.

Well, his wife had the baby, but you get the gist of what I'm getting at.

Now normally people would have celebrated 'n stuff, but this kid was ugly. Beyond ugly even.

So on the day of Kuwabara's birth—after his mother had left the room, screaming in horror—his father sent for three fairies.

The first fairy, Yusuke the Imp, was known for being able to give gifts of beautiful voice. The king called him over, seeing that his son wasn't all that much of a singer.

The second fairy, Kurama the Pixie, was known for making babies (usually princesses) beautiful. He was obviously the most important of the fairies, considering Kuwabara's case.

The third fairy, Hiei the Shorty-Sprite, wasn't really known for anything.

_But hey_, the king figured, _why take chances? Might as well invite him too_.

Upon the arrival of the three fairies, the king and queen were basically sobbing with relief.

"I'm giving this kid the gift of a great voice," Yusuke said, waving his magical guitar over the crib. He winced when he accidentally dropped it. "Oh. Heh." He peered at Kuwabara. "Well, Kurama was gonna fix that up anyway, right?"

Stepping aside Yusuke looked mournfully at his magic guitar, which had acquired a few scuff marks in hitting the baby's head.

"I bestow upon this child, the gift of beauty," Kurama said, waving his magical mirror. All the court ladies sighed, and stared in adoration. Noticing this, Kurama got a very twitchy look. "The fangirls...the fangirls...THEY'VE FOLLOWED ME!!!"

Screaming, Kurama ran from the room, and waited outside for his fellow fairies.

The king, who had been watching his queen swoon, wasn't entirely sad at the departure of this particular fairy.

Hiei snorted.

Grabbing up his magic sword, he leaned over the crib. "I give the brat the power to—Hey, he's still ugly."

Everyone leaned in for a closer look.

"Bwhahahahaha!" In the middle of the court, an old lady suddenly burst into crazed laughter. "She shall NEVER be pretty! Bwhahahaha! I, Genkai the Witch, have seen to that. And on her sixteenth birthday...wait, it's a boy." The evil lady deflated a bit. "Now that takes just all the fun out of it. Oh well. Anyway, on his sixteenth birthday, he's gonna prick himself on a sword and die."

She disappeared.

Hiei snorted. "Anyone who's being pricked by a sword usually does die. Ancient idiot." He turned to find everyone staring at him. "What?"

"You can save him!" The queen said breathlessly.

"I can?" Hiei looked down at Kuwabara. "Okay, but if you ask me, he's not really worth saving." Hiei laid his magical sword on Kuwabara's head. "You won't die, you'll just fall into some sleep until your true love shows up, 'kay?"

Kuwabara drooled on his magical sword.

Hiei twitched.

That night, plans were made to have Kuwabara go live with the three fairies. They would live out in a shack, in the middle of the forest, with no magic.

Honestly, the fairies didn't really see the logic in this, but they had been ordered by the king and queen, so they really didn't have much of a choice.

**Sixteen years later...**

Kurama and Yusuke looked around.

"This looks like a good spot to picnic."

"I'll set up the blanket, you take care of the food." Yusuke looked over his shoulder. "Hey Hiei! Kuwabara! Hurry it up, will ya?"

Hiei, grumbling, dragged Kuwabara across the beautiful field filled with flowers.

"Stupid field. Stupid king. Stupid no magic rule. Stupid, stupid, stupid..."

Kuwabara, who had grown up listening to this, didn't really pay any attention to him.

"Hey what's that?" Kuwabara pointed to something on the ground. He bent over, and picked it up. Then he fell over, completely knocked out.

"What is it?!" Kurama shouted in alarm.

"A sword." Hiei growled. His eyes turned red. He foamed at the mouth. "SIXTEEN YEARS OF MY LIFE DOWN THE DRAIN, AND THE IDIOT STILL MANAGES TO DIE? THIS IS JUST SO...SO...."

"Stupid?" Yusuke offered helpfully.

"YES!"

**Seven hundred and sixty nine years later...**

Yusuke looked at the cards. "Whose turn is it to deal?"

"Mine," Hiei snatched up the deck. He looked up at the other two fairies. "When do you think his true love will show up?"

"I dunno," Kurama shrugged.

Yusuke glared at Hiei. "It just had to be his true love. Couldn't you have said 'random bimbo' instead?"

"It wouldn't have worked then."

"You could've at least tried."

Kurama rolled his eyes as his friends fought.

Three feet away, Kuwabara—still asleep—drooled on Hiei's magic sword.

Hiei twitched.

Yusuke said comfortingly, "His true love will show up sometime, right?" He looked from Kurama to Hiei. They looked at each other, and started their poker game. "Right? Guys? Am I right?"  
  
The End

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Kuwabara beautiful...no, I just can't see it. 

Hmmm, what should I do for my next fairy tale? Maybe something featuring Yukina? Keiko? Genkai? Botan?

...

I'm running outta ideas.


	5. Little Red Riding Kurama

If you're a part of GreenPeace, or are a huge nature-lover, I REALLY don't mean to offend you.

This fic is STRICKLY for fun, 'kay?

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, or this fairy tale.

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**Little Red Riding Kurama  
**  
Once upon a time there was a boy named Little Red Riding Kurama. 

Yes, his parents had drug problems, but that's another story.

Anyway, Kurama (for the sake of saving space on this page, we shall merely call him Kurama) loved his Grandma Genkai.

He always found her torturing her students, making people balance on swords, or entering various fighting competitions.

Exactly why he loved her...well, no one really knows.

But he did.

One day his mother gave him a basket of deadly plants—for his family was famous for their killer flowers—and told him to go visit his dear Grandma Genkai.

Walking happily through the woods surrounding his house, Kurama proceeded, completely oblivious to the demon watching him.

Yoko peered down at the red-headed boy. "A human." Yoko then noticed the fangirls trailing after the kid. _An apparently useful human_, he thought.

An idea forming, Yoko followed the human up to a small cottage.

_Ahhh..._

**Inside the little house...**

Kurama entered, and set down his basket of deadly goodies on a chair.

"Grandma Genkai?" He looked around, and saw his grandmother.

_My,_ he thought, _she looks...different_.

"My, what gold eyes you have, Grandma Genkai."

"Uh, yeah. Sure. All the better to watch people suffer."

Well, that certainly sounded like Grandma Genkai.

"My, what sharp fangs you have."

"Yeah, the chicks really dig 'em." His grandmother turned, and flashed a smile at some fangirls peeping through the window.

They fainted.

Kurama frowned. "Are you gay?"

Yoko looked horrified. "Look, kid, I'm not your grandmother."

Kurama looked up at him with trusting innocent eyes.

A few cooing sounds could be heard at the window.

"Where is my grandmother?"

Yoko waved his clawed-hand absently. "I stuffed her in the supply closet. The point is, you and I are going into business together."

"You're not going to eat me?"

Yoko laughed. "Kid, I eat humans, but I'm sure not going to eat you." He pointed to the window. "You see those fangirls?" Kurama nodded. "How would you like it if I could get rid of them all?"

Kurama's eyes sparkled. "You would?"

And so Yoko went on to reveal his plan.

**Exactly five minutes, twelve seconds, and three explanations later...**

Kurama walked out of his grandmother's house, and yelled loudly, "ANY FANGIRLS OUT THERE? I'M LOOKING FOR A WIFE!" Immediately thousands of fangirls were on Grandma Genkai's front lawn. "Wow. That was fast."

Leading all of them inside—it was, admittedly, a tight fit—Kurama opened the supply closet to find Grandma Genkai and Yoko playing poker.

Grandma Genkai was winning.

"Yoko? I got your fangirls for you."

And so, with only a shrimp fork and a bib (that was all Genkai really had), Yoko consumed every single one of those fangirls.

"Yep," he grinned at Kurama and his grandmother. "Totally better then just eating the two of you."

And so FanGirlsMunchin' Inc. was formed.

Genkai went on to become a ruthless, multimillionaire who killed little rabbits, and the GreenPeace freaks who protected them.  
  
Kurama and Yoko stayed in business, luring fangirls into Grandma Genkai's house—which eventually became a mansion—and eating them.

Well, Yoko ate them.

Apparently Kurama had a thing against cannibalism.

Weird.

The End

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Okay, this was mostly written 'cause I had nothing to do.

Heh, sorry if it makes absolutely no sense, but wasn't it at least amusing?

(Readers glare at poor pitiful author.)

Okay...um, I guess I'll go get started on my next ficlet.

(Readers still glaring.)

Uh, bye then!


	6. The Three Little Bears

This was brilliantly suggested by Random Person number 3, and is probably one of my best ficlets since Snow-Kurama!  
  
(I kinda altered your idea, but it's basically the same story.)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH.

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**The Three Little Bears**  
  
Once upon a time there was a girl name Goldilocks.  
  
To be completely honest, she really didn't have gold locks, so everyone simply called her Botan.  
  
One day Botan's mother told her to go out and play.  
  
"You spend far too much time hitting people with that broom, dear," her mother informed her. "You really need to get out more."  
  
So—after her broom was forcibly taken from her, Botan went outside to "play," as her mother so simply put it.  
  
Wandering around a while, Botan found herself to be lost, hungry, tired, and right in front of the most charming little house she'd ever seen.  
  
Looking the small cottage up and down, she decided it was worth a look inside.  
  
She knocked on the door.  
  
No one answered.  
  
Hmmm, she was out in the middle of nowhere, in danger of starving, possible chance of being eaten by rabid squirrels [AN: That's for you Monique!], and she was completely lost.  
  
So sue me, she thought. I'm going in.  
  
The inside was just as nice as the outside, with charming little pictures, and charming little flowers...well, everything was pretty charming.  
  
Sickeningly so, in fact.  
  
In the kitchen, Botan found a table with three of steaming hot bowls of Raman on it.  
  
One bowl, she decided was simply far too hot.  
  
The next, when she looked at it, had far too many rose thorns in it.  
  
But the last was so normal-looking, that she finished it off completely.  
  
Then she went back to the living room, and found three chairs.  
  
One chair had some...questionable magazines on it. (x.x)  
  
The second had some deadly plants growing in between the cushions.  
  
But the last was once again so normal, that Botan just had to try it out.  
  
After a while of doing nothing but sitting ("Jeez, is my life boring."), Botan went upstairs.  
  
In the bedroom she found three beds.  
  
The first bed had a bunch of...creepy torture devices in it. (O.O)  
  
The second bed had hundreds of man-eating plants under the pillows.  
  
And once again the third bed was normal.  
  
Well, except for some mutilated teddy bears, it was fairly normal.  
  
So she went to bed.  
  
**But downstairs, the owners had returned...**  
  
Kurama, the smartest bear, rushed inside, beating off the hordes of fangirls who had followed the three of them home.  
  
Yusuke, the biggest bear, sat down at the table, and started gulping down his hot Raman.  
  
Hiei, the littlest bear, looked at his bowl of Raman.  
  
"Someone's eaten all my Raman!"  
  
Kurama and Yusuke checked out their lunches.  
  
"Mine's fine."  
  
"No one's been in my stuff either."  
  
Fuming the tiny bear turned and stomped into the living room, and screamed.  
  
Kurama and Yusuke ran at his call.  
  
"What's up?" Yusuke looked around.  
  
Hiei growled, and pointed at his chair. "Someone's been sitting in my chair."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Dude," Yusuke said, "I don't even wanna know how you know that."  
  
"Plus," Kurama added, "our chairs are perfectly fine."  
  
Grumbling of the injustice in stupid roommates, Hiei went upstairs to take a nap.  
  
Kurama and Yusuke settled down in their chairs.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! IT'S HERE! IT'S IN MY CHAIR!"  
  
Rushing upstairs, Yusuke and Kurama found Hiei pointing at a girl. The poor thing had obviously just woken up, and was being traumatized by the sight of three hot guys staring down at her.  
  
"Make it go away!" Hiei moaned.  
  
"That," Kurama said gently, "would be a girl, not an it."  
  
"What are we going to do with her?" Yusuke stared down at her uncertainly.  
  
"You could always let me go, and pretend this never happened," she offered.  
  
"Nahhh," Yusuke shook his head. "Too easy."  
  
They all sat thinking.  
  
Suddenly Hiei smirked.  
  
"I have an idea..."  
  
**The next day...**  
  
Botan stood in front of her employers' house, and held up a megaphone.  
  
"Eh-hem. ALL YOU FANGIRLS!" She yelled. All Kurama's fangirls looked up at her. "I HAVE BEEN SENT BY KURAMA TO—er—GIVE YOU GUYS PRESENTS!" The fangirls cooed at the thoughtfulness of Kurama. Pulling out her favorite broomstick, Botan screamed, "NOW EVERYONE LINE UP!"  
  
And so Kurama lived happily ever after (with no fangirls).  
  
Yusuke lived happily ever after (because nothing in this story really affected him).  
  
Hiei lived happily ever after (he did, after all, get to watch daily fangirl beatings).  
  
And lastly, Botan lived happily ever after, because she got to hit people with her broom.  
  
The End

* * *

Heh-heh! That one was fun to write!  
  
On to the next tale! 


	7. Keiko the Frog Prince

This was suggested by Rayin, one of my newest reviewers (so of course I had to try it!).  
  
However, I had to add one of my own ideas to your story. Can you guess what I did?  
  
And yes, Rayin, Grim's Kinda Tale Basically is a YYH version of Tales of the Brothers Grim. Nifty, huh?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, the Tales of the Brothers Grim, or Dr. Seuss.

* * *

**Keiko the Frog Prince**  
  
Once upon a time there was a boy named Yuske, who didn't like kissing frogs.  
  
This made it a bit complicated when one day, he actually came across a talking frog.  
  
"I beg your pardon," the frog said very politely. "But would you mind terribly kissing me?"  
  
Yusuke took a step back, and stared at the frog. She wasn't an ugly frog, but really. _Kiss_ her?  
  
"No, sorry." Walking past her, Yusuke was a bit alarmed to find her following him around.  
  
"Would you kiss me in a box? Would you kiss me with a fox?" The frog persisted.  
  
"I would not kiss you in a box, and I would not kiss you with a fox," Yusuke snapped.  
  
"Would you kiss me on a train? Would you kiss me in the rain?"  
  
"I would not kiss you on a train, and I certainly wouldn't kiss you in the rain." Stopping, Yusuke glared down at the frog.  
  
"What's your name?" he asked the frog.  
  
"Keiko."  
  
"Well, Keiko, I'm not going to kiss you. Got that?"  
  
Keiko, who obviously didn't know when to give up, went on. "Would you kiss me here..." she hopped sideways a few yards "...or there? Would you kiss me anywhere?"  
  
"I would not kiss you here or there. I will not kiss you anywhere!"  
  
Keiko looked up at him with pleading froggy eyes. "Please?"  
  
So Yusuke caved. "Fine."  
  
Bending over, he kissed her.  
  
And she turned into a girl.  
  
"Man," he looked her up and down. "We'd have saved a lot of time if you just told me that was going to happen."  
  
So she slapped him.  
  
But then she kissed him.  
  
The End

* * *

Sorry if you guys don't like the Yusuke/Keiko pairing, but I thought they were the best characters for this story.  
  
Okay, let's be honest: How many of you guys still like Green Eggs and Ham? Hmmm?  
  
Dr. Seuss rocks, doesn't he?


	8. RumpleHiei

I was given this wonderful idea by Phoenixblade-necklace, and will probably be very...uh, amusing to write!  
  
(Thank you, all you nice reviewers, who're sending in ideas.)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, or the Brothers Grim.

* * *

**RumpleHiei**  
  
Once upon a time there was a peasant girl named Keiko.  
  
Now this girl could do just about anything—put out fires, save children from car accidents (even though they didn't have cars at this time), write books, run miles, be the perfect daughter, and still manage to pull off strait A's in school.  
  
But she couldn't spin straw into gold.  
  
REMEMBER that. It's very important.  
  
One day King Yusuke was going through his kingdom, being the good king that he was ("Aw, mom, do I hafta?").  
  
Keiko's dad, not being the smartest cookie in the box, decided that he had to get his daughter and the king to meet. No matter what.  
  
But what the heck could he say to impress this king? He had everything—gold, riches, jewels...wait.  
  
"My daughter can spin straw into gold!" He informed the king quite suddenly. He reasoned that the king would be impressed by something like this, but because he already had everything, his daughter wouldn't be in any danger.  
  
Yusuke raised an eyebrow. "Right."  
  
"No, she really can." By now Keiko's father was desperate, and (not being the smartest cookie, if you'll remember) went on. "She can spin whole rooms of the stuff!"  
  
"Really?" Yusuke raised an eyebrow. "Then how come you're poor?"  
  
"'Cause, uh...we gave it all away! Yep, that girl is kind as well as talented."  
  
Now, I'm going to add here that Yusuke also wasn't what you'd call...smart.  
  
"Fine. Bring the girl to the castle." Yusuke nodded. "That's it. If she can spin one room of straw, she can marry me."  
  
That's when his advisor chose to interrupt.  
  
"Yusuke," Hiei put his hand on the king's shoulder. "May I have a word with you?"  
  
"Sure." He turned back to Keiko's father. "I'll be right back."  
  
Once they were out of earshot, Hiei leaned over and hissed, "That peasant is obviously lying."  
  
"He is?"  
  
"He is." Hiei smiled winningly. "Now, if you don't want the peasants to think that you're weak, you have to make an actual punishment. If the girl can't do as her father asked."  
  
"Like..." Yusuke thought for a bit. "Like having a lecture from my mom?"  
  
Hiei inwardly winced. "No, like death."  
  
"Whoa, man. Isn't that just a little harsh?"   
  
"Isn't lying to the king 'just a little harsh'?"  
  
Yusuke thought it over. Hiei had been loyal to the royal family for years...it made sense to trust the little maniac.  
  
So Yusuke informed Keiko's dad of what was too happen, and went home, feeling a great deal happier.  
  
He might even get a wife out of this.  
  
**Over at Keiko's house...  
**  
"YOU DID WHAT?"  
  
**The next day...  
**  
Yusuke looked at the girl. She was pretty.  
  
But he knew what to do.  
  
**(FLASHBACK TO THE NIGHT BEFORE)**  
  
Hiei: You must get three roomfuls of gold out of the girl.  
  
Yusuke: Uh...why?  
  
Hiei (twitchy eye): Because I said so. At the end of it all, you can marry her.  
  
Yusuke: Um...'kay?  
  
**(END FLASHBACK)  
**  
"Hey, you're Keiko?" Yusuke grinned down at her reassuringly.  
  
"Um, yes," she nervously smiled back.  
  
Hiei frowned. "Okay, enough pleasantries, let's go get you set up." Pushing past Yusuke, he dragged Keiko up to her room.  
  
**That night...**  
  
Keiko glared at the straw.  
  
Then she glared at the spinning wheel.  
  
"How the heck do they expect me to do this?" she spoke aloud.  
  
"Maybe I can help you," a mysterious figure appeared.  
  
Keiko stared. "Eeeeeeeeeeeek! IT'S A PEEPING TOM!!! SOMEONE HELP!"  
  
"Quiet!" The figure hissed. "I have not come to peep. I have come to help you." That shut Keiko up really fast. "I will spin the straw into gold for you, if you give me that ring on your finger."   
  
Well, that makes no sense, Keiko thought. He can spin roomfuls of gold, but he wants my ring. He must just be a really be negotiator.  
  
Going with this reasoning, she handed him her ring, and watched him get to work.  
  
**The next day...**  
  
Yusuke smiled warmly at the girl. "Congratulations! I'd be happy to make you my..." Hiei tapped him on the shoulder. "Oh yeah. Um, one more room filled with gold, if you wouldn't mind.  
  
Keiko sighed.  
  
**That night...  
**  
Keiko looked at the dark figure. "Look I have nothing else to give you, okay?"  
  
The figure stared at her. "That necklace will do nicely..."  
  
**The next day (This is getting old)...**  
  
Yusuke beamed at Keiko. "Only one more room!"  
  
She smiled weakly.  
  
**That night (Are you guys still actually reading the bold print?)...**  
  
"What else could I possibly give you?" Keiko asked the figure miserably. She noticed it looking at her again. "Ew! I'm not giving you my dress, sicko!"  
  
"That's not what I wanted!" it snapped. "Give me your first born child."  
  
"No," Keiko said, crossing her arms and glaring.  
  
The figure pointed outside to the noose that had been hung, should she not complete her task.  
  
And Keiko caved.  
  
**The next day (Look! A pony! BWHAHAHAHA! Made you look!)...**  
  
Yusuke and Keiko were married.  
  
Everyone was happy, and they did eventually fall madly in love, even if Yusuke was an idiot, and Keiko was a control freak.  
  
And then Keiko got pregnant.   
  
(Please, don't ask how. This fic was rated PG for a reason.)  
  
**Nine months, two weeks, and six days later...**  
  
Keiko and Yusuke stared at the baby girl.  
  
"Tenchi."  
  
"Kaida."  
  
And they couldn't agree on names.  
  
"Tenchi," Keiko snapped, "is a beautiful name."  
  
"Kaida's cooler," Yusuke grumbled.  
  
That's when Hiei waltzed up, and held out his arms. "Okay, gimme the baby."  
  
"Okay," Yusuke agreed.  
  
"What?" Keiko frowned. "Why?"  
  
"Did you forget the promise you made to me?"  
  
Yusuke looked from Keiko's shocked face to Hiei. "What? Did I miss something?"  
  
"She promised me her first born child for a room filled with gold," Hiei informed him. "But I'm willing to give you both a second chance."  
  
Keiko raised her eyebrows. "Why?"  
  
Hiei shrugged. "Because this story has a crappy plot. Anyway, if you can guess my name, I'll let you keep your baby."  
  
"I know this one!" Yusuke said cheerfully. "Hiei!"  
  
"No, that's not my real name." Hiei grinned. "You have three hours to figure out my name."  
  
"But in the original story, we had three days!" Keiko cried angrily. "You're cheating us out of sixty-nine hours!"  
  
"Yep." Hiei smirked. "I'm bad."  
  
"Anyway," Keiko waved her hand. "I already know your name. It's RumpleHiei."  
  
Hiei twitched.  
  
"Damn you! How'd you find out?"  
  
Keiko rolled her eyes. "It's the name of this fic, stupid. It wasn't that hard to guess."  
  
"Why'd you do it, RumpleHiei?" Yusuke demanded.  
  
RumpleHiei twitched. "Because I enjoy the sufferings of others. BWHAHAHAHA!!!" Laughing evilly, RumpleHiei ran from the room, hitchhiked to Japan, and was only seen one hundred years later in a popular anime.  
  
Keiko, the baby (who really isn't going to be named in this fic), and Yusuke all looked at one another.  
  
Yusuke's mind slowly came to a conclusion. "Never speak of this again?"  
  
Keiko looked in the distance, and could barely make out a short laughing figure. "Never speak of this again," she agreed.  
  
The End

* * *

Two Yusuke/Keiko ficlets in a row. That's neat.  
  
I guess.  
  
And you know, you guys can feel free to send in all the suggestions you want!  
  
(Author looks pleadingly out to the audience.)  
  
(Wonderfully kind readers get started on reviews.)


	9. Hansel and Gretel

Sorry for lack of updating, but Tenchi and my account was suspended for a short period of time. For those of you who know about our email fic, well...there was a small misunderstanding. And now that story's off the net.

But it will be back up! Just under a different name, so doesn't accuse us of communcation violations. But it will take a while.

In the mean time, some people suggested this (sorry beloved readers, I can't really remember who at the moment), and so here I am writing it!

Thanks to everyone for their wonderful ideas! I love reviews!

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, or the Tales of the Brothers Grim.

* * *

**Hiei and Yukina, a Hansel and Gretel Story**

Once upon a time there was a pair of siblings named Hiei and Yukina. It actually took Yukina a while to realize that she actually had a sibling, but we won't get into that.

Anyway, these two siblings had an eeeeeeevil step dad. Yep, we know it's usually an eeeeeeevil step mom, but we're doing something a little different for this story.

So there's Hiei, Yukina, their eeeeeeevil step dad, and the mom.

Who died.

Very depressing.

One day the eeeeeeevil step dad decided to do away with the children, and be done with them once and for all. (Wow, that was an old-fashioned sentence.)

So he sent them to gather up firewood.  
The children did wonder why exactly he needed firewood when he lived in a mansion with servants, but being the innocent darlings that they were (Hiei? Innocent? I'm sure.) they didn't question their eeeeeeevil step dad's request.

But Hiei, being the sadistic little thing that he was, decided to leave a trail of stones, incase they got lost.

Which proved useful. At the end of the day they simply followed his little trail of sparkling stones back to their house, and their eeeeeeevil waiting step dad.

The next day, the same thing happened.

Only their eeeeeeevil step dad noticed.

So he decided to do something.

Locking the children in their rooms until the very last moment, he made sure Hiei didn't have a chance to gather enough for to make a trail home.

Devious. Very devious.

Anyway, this is hoe the kids ended up lost.

"What're we going to do?" Yukina moaned sadly. A dear little birdie landed on her shoulder. "How are we ever to get home?" She stroked the birdie.

"We're going to continue on, until we run into something of use. We have no other option." Hiei eyed her little sweet birdie. "At least we know what we're having for dinner."

The next day...

"Are you sure you don't want some leftover bird?" Hiei asked cheerfully.

"No." Yukina sullenly sat on a log and glared at Hiei.

"Whatever. Your loss." Finishing off his breakfast, Hiei and Yukina started walking again.

"Hey, do you smell that?"

"What?"

"Kinda smells like...like a cookie."

And behold, there was a little house made of cookies, candy, cake, chocolate, and many other C foods.

Immediately the two began eating. Yukina, because she was starving. Hiei, because he wanted to see the owner's face when they found out their home had been eaten.

"Hey you guys! Stop eating my house!" A freakishly small woman ran out from the yummy house. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to cook this thing?"

Hiei looked at the lady—who was about his height—and said (quite stupidly), "Who the (blocked language use for the sake of children) are you?"

"I'm Genkai." She forced a smile on her face, and ended up looking like a crazed serial killer. "I'm the witch in this story. I'm supposed to eat the two of you. Only I don't. 'Cause you shove me in an oven. BUT THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S GONNA GO, GOT IT? Instead, I believe you and I can strike a deal. Whaddya say?"

Yukina shook her head frantically, and Hiei looked carefully at the old woman.

"I'm listening."

"NO!" Yukina threw herself at the witch. "I shall not participate in any of your wicked deeds!"

Hiei and Genkai shared a very evil look over the girl's head.

"Genkai, are you feeling hungry...?"

Some random amount of time later...

"Candy!" A short man with spiky hair yelled. "Come and get your candy! Only...uh, as much as I can get outta you!"

Genkai patted him on the back. "You're doing just fine. The candy business is booming." Turning, the witch faced Yukina, who was passing out candy to little children. "Sickening." Then she turned to face all you readers. "Huh. I bet you thought we were going to eat her or something." She shook her head. "Freaks."

The End

* * *

That wasn't my best work, but I kind of felt I owed all you loyal readers some kind of story.  
After this one I think I'm going to try to start working on the Kagome/Inuyasha fic I've been wanting to do. But I don't really know for sure.

Oh, I send my love right back to Bob and themagnificentsupershay!


	10. Beauty and the Beast

**Beauty and the Beast**

The beautiful Kurama looked long and hard at the beastly Kuwabara.

But not too long, and not too hard.

Shaking his head, the red-haired-hottie stood and left the fic's set grumbling.

"You've gotta be kidding me." Kurama sighed. "I am not working with _that._My agent is so fired."

Kuwabara stared after him in confusion.

"What? I didn't even put on the costume yet."

* * *

Probably my shorest fic ever.

Poor Kuwabara.

Ah well, this fic shows one of the many reasons why we love him.

Big ol' softy.

Ta-ta for now, readers!


End file.
